Welcome to January, the time when we heartily resolve to make big changes to how we do things in the coming year! Ah, January. Hopeful January. If only you weren’t followed immediately by Oh, God, So Tired Already February and Screw It, We’re Going Back To The Way We’ve Always Done Things March.

Despite not being much of a believer in making New Years resolutions for himself, you probably won’t be surprised to hear that the Macalope has some for pundits.

Haha. “Some.”

Frankly, there are too many to list. Stop repeating the same tired stories that never amount to anything. Stop quoting trolls who get paid by Apple competitors. Stop eating paste. Don’t lick the flag pole in the middle of winter. So many suggestions. And all free. It’s a wonder they won’t take them.

But if the horny one had to pick one—just one—simple thing he wished pundits would do it would be this: chastise Apple for things that actually matter. Stop scouring the Apple support forums for five people complaining about X and then claiming “APPLE HAS A HUGE PROBLEM WITH X”.

Looking at you, Forbes contributor network and monkey gimbus banana factory.

A lot of people seem to think the Macalope thinks Apple is flawless. Far from it. He still suffers with this butterfly keyboard. It’s not criticism of Apple he hates, it’s bad criticism.

As a gesture of goodwill, the Macalope will even give you something bad Apple did so you can get off on the right foot in 2021. Thinking about writing a diatribe about a bug that’s already been fixed? How a new phone from some company we’ve never heard of is an iPhone killer? STAHP. There are bad things Apple is actually doing.

According to the New York Times back in December, Apple lobbied to weaken or slow a bill banning goods made in China using the forced labor of persecuted minorities. Yes, the company that as all the money—quite a bit of the Macalope’s!—is asking to let some human beings be persecuted a bit longer so as not to disrupt the supply of iPhones.

Apple isn’t trying to kill the bill and has stated it supports the law. But, you know, do we have to do it right now? Couldn’t we do it in a few months?

That report said that O-Film Technology, a contractor for Apple, Microsoft, Google and other companies, received at least 700 Uighur workers in a program that was expected to “gradually alter their ideology.”

See, Epic just looks dumb having parodied Apple’s 1984 ad in their tantrum about the App Store when Apple contractors are using people who are actually being subject to reeducation in their factories. (Apple claims to have “found no evidence of forced labor on Apple production lines”.)

Does the Macalope think Apple wants its suppliers to use these laborers? No, of course not. But its efforts to extend deadlines and obfuscate reporting to make correcting this situation convenient for the company are a very bad look in a very ugly situation.

Remember that the next time the company devotes its homepage to past human rights victories.

Next week: the Macalope’s recipes for how to make your own paste at home.

Note: When you purchase something after clicking links in our articles, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate link policy for more details.

Author: LaraZ